If I Donate a Kidney to a Stranger, Can I Meet the Person Who Gets My Kidney?
Donating a kidney to a stranger is a generous and fulfilling act that usually improves quality of life for both the donor and the recipient. While a donated kidney gives the recipient the chance for a longer, healthier life, it can also give the donor a strong sense of purpose and well-being.
In some cases, the donor may want to extend this feeling of well-being by meeting the person who received their kidney.
As medical procedures, kidney donation and transplantation are governed by the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA), a U.S. law designed to protect the privacy and security of individuals’ medical information.
In line with HIPAA requirements, the identities of both the kidney donor and transplant recipient are kept anonymous to protect their privacy. Not only is this a legal requirement, it helps prevent emotional complications and ensures that the donation remains a selfless act, free from external expectations or pressures.
If you are a kidney donor and you want to meet the person who received your kidney, the first step is to make your wish known to the medical team at your transplant center. Any communication between donors and recipients is initially handled by the transplant centers.
Once you have told your coordinator that you want to reach out to your recipient, they may contact the recipient’s transplant coordinator to see whether they are open to hearing from you. If they are, you’ll have the opportunity to write them a card or letter.
It’s important to know that your recipient may not be willing to communicate with you, at least at first. Remember, they have been dealing with serious medical issues for months, if not years, and have just undergone major surgery. They may be physically and emotionally overwhelmed and not in the best position to hear from strangers—even strangers who have saved their lives.
Think of it this way: while your kidney was your main gift to them, you can also give them the gift of your understanding. Respect their right to privacy and grant them the grace to deal with their medical and emotional challenges in their own way and be accepting if that does not include communicating with you.
If they are willing to hear from you, it’s best to start slow with your first communication. Write them a card expressing your well wishes, but don’t ask for personal information, push for a meeting, or make them feel obligated to answer. To maintain an element of privacy, it’s best to use only your first name and not provide any other identifiable information, such as your last name, phone number, or where you live.
Once you have sent your letter, you may feel impatient as you wait to hear back. While more than half of recipients are open to communicating with their donors, they do tend to take some time to write back, if they do at all.
There are many reasons for this. The recipient may have had medical complications and not feel up to writing back. They may have complex feelings about the donor and not know what to say. Or they may simply not know how to express their gratitude as deeply as they want to, so they choose not to respond at all.
If you have not heard back in a reasonable amount of time, it’s OK to reach out again. It could be that the recipient wasn’t in the right mindset at that time or had a lot going on. A second letter expressing well-wishes and understanding might make them more likely to respond.
In cases where the recipient does respond, the donor and recipient typically exchange several letters through the transplant center. In some cases, this is enough for both parties. In other cases, the donor and recipient may want to take things further by exchanging personal information and communicating more directly, either via email, text, or phone. In some cases, donors and recipients agree to meet in person.
It’s important to consider the emotional implications of meeting the recipient. Both the donor and recipient might have strong feelings about the transplant, and a face-to-face meeting can be a powerful but potentially overwhelming experience. Both parties should be prepared for the potential emotional impact.
If you’re considering kidney donation and have questions about meeting your recipient, your transplant center can provide detailed information and help address any concerns.